"Excuse me," the angel asked. "Forgive me, this will be easier for you."
"Never," he stubbornly pressed his lips, "that cannot be forgiven. Never. "
"Will you take revenge?" She asked worriedly.
"No, I will not take revenge. I'm going to rise above that. "
"Do you want cruel punishment?"
"I don't know what punishment would be enough?"
"Everyone has to pay for their decisions. Sooner or later, everyone… ”the angel said quietly. "It is inevitable."
"Yes, I know."
"Then forgive! Get rid of the burden. Now you are far from those who offended you. "
“No. I can not. I do not want to. There is no forgiveness for them. ”
"Well, the decision is yours," the angel told her. "Where do you plan to keep the insult?"
"Here and here," he touched his heart and head.
"Please be careful," the angel asked. "The poison of insult is very dangerous. It can turn into a stone and pull you to the bottom. It can cause a flare of rage that burns everything alive. "
"It's a stone of remembrance and I'm grateful for the rage," she interrupted. "They are on my side and the insult moved where he said - in the head and in the heart ..."
She was young and healthy, she was building her life, hot blood was flowing in her veins, and she was breathing the air of freedom with her full breasts. He got married, gave birth to children, made friends. At times, they were normally angry but generally forgiving. Sometimes she got angry and argued, and then they forgave her. She was everything in life, trying to stop thinking about her insult.
It was many years before he heard that word again, "forgive."
“My husband betrayed me. I have problems with children all the time. Money doesn't love me. What should I do? ”Asked one senior psychologist.
He listened attentively, explained many things to her, and for some reason kept pushing her to talk about her childhood. She was angry and turned the conversation towards the present. But he brought her back to her childhood. She seemed to wander through the side streets of her memory, trying to illuminate him, to emphasize that long-standing insult. She didn't want that, so she was opposed. But he still saw.
"You need to clean up," she explained. "Your insults are spilled. New insults were collected on them, such as polyps on the coral reef. This ridge has become an obstacle to the flow of life energy. Because of this, you have problems in your personal life and you are not in good financial shape. The ridge has sharp edges that hurt your gentle soul. Various emotions have settled in the cliff, which poisons your blood and attract new accidents. "
"Yes, I feel something like that," the woman nodded. "From time to time I get nervous, sometimes I get depressed, and sometimes I just want to kill everything ... Okay, I need to get clean. But how?"
"Sorry for the first, most insulting insult," advised the psychologist. "There will be no foundation and the ridge will fall apart."
"Can't!" Cried the woman. "It's just anger because everything was so! I have the right to be offended! "
"Do you want to be right or happy?" The psychologist asked. But the woman did not answer. She just got up and left, taking her coral reef with her.
A few more years have passed. The woman was waiting for admission again, this time to the doctor. The doctor looked at the recordings and analyzes, froze and bit his lip.
"Doctor, why are you silent?" - he could not restrain himself.
"Do you have any relatives?" The doctor asked.
"The parents have died, we are divorced with my husband, I have children and grandchildren. Why do you need my relatives? "
"Look, you have a tumor. Here, here. "- The doctor pointed to the skull. "According to the analysis, the tumor is bad. It also explains your constant headaches, insomnia, and fatigue. Worst of all, the tumor tends to grow rapidly. It's growing, and that's bad. "
"And what now, I have to go to surgery?" She asked in awe.
"No," the doctor muttered even more. "Here's your footage from last year. You have a very weak heart. He seems to be clamped on all sides and unable to work with full force. Can't stand the operation. So you have to heal your heart first, and then… ”
It didn't end, and the woman realized that "afterward" she might never come. Either the heart will not stand, or the tumor will grow.
"Also, your blood type is not good for you. Hemoglobin is low, leukocytes high ... I'll prescribe medication, "the doctor told her," but you have to help yourself. You need to improve your overall health while preparing mentally for the surgery. "
"But how?"
“Positive emotions, warm relationships, communication with family. Finally, fall in love. Look at photo albums, remember you're happy childhood. "
The woman just smiled drily.
"Try to forgive everyone, especially parents," the doctor unexpectedly advises. "It's very good for the soul. In my experience, there have been cases where forgiveness works wonders. "
"Really?" The woman asked ironically.
“Imagine. In medicine, there are many auxiliary instruments. Quality care ... Forgiveness can also be a cure, but it is free and without a prescription. "
Forgive. Or die. Forgive or die? Die, but don't forgive? When choosing is a matter of life or death, you only have to decide which side to look at.
Headache. Pain in the heart. "Where do you keep the insult?" "Here and here." Now that place is painful. Maybe they insult has grown and she still wished. She may be trying to oust her housewife, to rule her whole body. The stupid insult did not realize that the body would not stand, that it would die.
He remembered the main insults, those of childhood. Her father and her mother, who worked all the time, or argued. They didn't love her the way she wanted. Nothing helped - no fuss in school, no praise, no fulfillment of their desires, no protest and rebellion.
Then they split up and each set up a new family with no room for her.
At 16 she was sent to school in another city with a full suitcase and little money to start. That's all, and that moment became independent and he decided, "I'm not going to forgive."
She had carried this insult all her life, swore that the insult would die with her, and it looks like that is happening right now.
There are children, grandchildren, a widower Sergei, a work colleague trying to seduce her. And she didn't want to die. Well, that's true - it's too early to die!
"I have to forgive," she decided, "at least try."
"Parents, I forgive you for everything," he said uncertainly. Her words sound pathetic and unfaithful.
He took a leaf and a pen and wrote: “Dear Parents! Dear Parents! I'm not angry anymore. I forgive you for everything. "
She felt bitterness in her mouth, her heart constricted and her head ached even more. But she grabbed the pen and wrote, "I'm sorry. I forgive you… ”
But there was no relief, only her anxiety increased.
"Not so," the angel whispered. “The river always flows in one direction only. They're older, you're younger. They were first, then you came. You did not give birth to them, but you. They have given you the opportunity to appear in this world. Be grateful to them! "
"I'm grateful," the woman said, "and I really want to forgive them."
“Children have no right to judge their parents. We do not forgive our parents. We ask forgiveness from them. ”
"For what?" She asked. "Did I do something bad to them?"
“You did something wrong to yourself. Why did the insult leave you? Why does your head hurt? What kind of stone do you carry in your chest? What is poisoning your blood? Why doesn't your life flow like a river, but as a weak stream? Do you want to be right or healthy? "
"Is all this because of the anger towards parents? How angry, I suppose, did you destroy me? "
"I warned you," the angel reminded. “Angels always warn: do not gather, do not carry, do not poison with insults. They are poison and poison everything around them. We warn! If a man chooses to offend, we have no right to interfere. And if he chooses to forgive, we must help him. "
"Can I still break that coral reef? Or is it too late? "
"It's never too late to try," the angel gently told her.
"But they are long dead. Now I have no one to ask for forgiveness. How am I going to do that? "
“Please. They will hear from you. And it may or may not. But you don't do it for them, but for you. "
"Dear parents," she began, "please forgive me if something was wrong ... forgive me for everything."
He talked for a while, then silenced and began to think. No miracle - heart hurts, head hurts, no special emotions, everything is as before.
"I don't believe in myself," she admitted. "So many years have passed ..."
"Try it differently," the angel advises. "Become a kid again."
"How?"
"Kneel on your knees, and treat them like they were in childhood, Mom, Dad ..."
The woman hesitated but dropped to her knees. He folded his hands, looked up at the sky and said, "Mom. And then again: "Mom, Dad ..."
Her eyes began to fill with tears.
"Mom, Dad ... that's me, your daughter, forgive me ... forgive me ..."
She began to tremble and her tears streamed down her face. And she repeated and repeated: "Excuse me. Please forgive me. I had no right to judge you. Mom, Dad… ”
It was a long time before the tears dried up. Exhausted, he sat on the floor, leaning on the couch.
"How are you?" The angel asked.
“I don't know. I do not understand. I feel like I'm empty, "he said.
"Repeat this forty days every day," the angel told her. “As a cure. Like chemotherapy. "
"Yes Yes. Forty days. I'll repeat. "
Something pulsed in her chest, clenched and covered with waves of heat. Maybe these are the parts of the cliff. For the first time in a long time, she was feeling good, she had nothing, her head hurt…
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